I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
