I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
