Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
