At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
