I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
