So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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