Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
