I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
