So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
