.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
