Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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