I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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