girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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