I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
