Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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