And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
