i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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