when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
