Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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