Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
