he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
