You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
