dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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