shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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