Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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