I'm drive I can fine osifer
she woke up with a sticky ear
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
