Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
