Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
