I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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