I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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