We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
