She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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