First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
