i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I intend to get homeless drunk
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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