Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
