Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
