I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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