My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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