It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
