you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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