i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
