They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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