So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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