HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
