Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My balls are so social today.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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