You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
