At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
