My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
