the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
