do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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