craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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