you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
