I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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