May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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