I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
